You know i would be lying to anyone as to tell them how much fun the last 3 months have been. They have sucked. I wore out my positive playlist everyday just trying to remain un bitter about my condition.
But the truth was that I was insanely negative in the process which I regretted. There was this envious disdain as I watched others run and i tried to remind myself daily that this would all be over with.
I have done my best to remain positive in the process, to do what I could emotionally to remain calm and just to keep pressing on. The one thing that stayed consistent was training daily. No matter how shitty the mood i still did my required PT and then some. I knew that if i could muster 2 hours or 3 a day that i would get the chance to come back sooner than ever.
Many people shortly after surgery asked well what kind of surgery did you have. I tried to explain AOTS surgery and what it meant probably 100x. The easiest explanation is that they drilled holes in my knee/bone and put the core in other parts of my knee that needed it. This was my only option if i didnt want a knee replacement at 36. And to top it off there was no guarantees that it would work or fix the issues that I had.. But it was better than hobbling around in pain for one more race. Below you can see a great picture of some of the holes they drilled in my bones and plugged them up as well.
As the past few months have slowly dragged on I was beginning to see the difference that not running also played a role in my life. I took the opportunity to a break for a few week right after surgery and then started back lifting high volume weights. I have never lifted 5 days a week 2 hours a day but it was the only thing that I could do to make exercise make sense. What I also didnt realize is that i would put on mass because of lifting this way and the no cardio deal would irritate me more. While I am stronger than I have ever been as a person I also hated watching my weight slowly climb up because of it.
So about a month ago on my last doctors visit I came in to the office. He asked me how i felt and I told him that I felt like i was a caged horse ready to run. He asked me had i been training and I said yes. I told him that I had done a week full of treadmill vert and that the knee felt good and swelled only a bit. My doctor said well then i guess we can skip the walking part of the program then… He told me that due to the fact that I had done the PT work above and beyond that it was going to pay off now.
I was relieved to hear that something was going my way in recovery since I really felt so jaded and alone at times in the process. With good news in hand I came home. I told Rachel that I was ready to take this f*cking scare they gave me and make it something fun. So i called my friend and said lets make some art today.. A few minutes later we turned that scar into some fun (thanks Mike C).
So after a couple weeks of climbing and walking i decided to make the decision to set my sights on some goals. There are some things that I have been chasing for a couple of years now that I never accomplished. Most of those were so close to my reach but I was always battling this shit ass knee and wasnt able to get those goals. But with 2 good knees I am ready to set the goals and start to knock them down.
I feel like the poster guy at times for people who battle obesity and run races. This is probably why i love race directing races as I see the true joy in what happens when you trail run. I think this year will be the 6th anniversary ( maybe 7) in september of when i weighed over 347 lbs. I never thought it would be me who would fall in love with running as a way to cope with being an addict but im glad i did.
So I am going back after my weight goals that I was so close to 2 years ago. But i am going to force myself to document it all this time as a way to be honest with myself and also encourage others to go after their dreams. Below is the goals list and the obligation list as well.
Todays weight 216.8 goal weight 173.4 which would be 50% of my body weight at highest. That means thats 43.4 lbs to lose. Even me looking at that number is like holy moses how did i ever get so far from 180s when i was running 100 mile weeks. I might be stronger than ever but I would love to see what this machine can do with 2 knees in the 170s.
WIth the dreams come the program. I have asked a good buddy of mine John Sharpe to write me a program till the end of the year that focuses on my needs. I cant really run right now with much intensity so this will be a great program for building stability in my body and also HR determined efforts. I am looking forward to the opportunity to working with John for the program.
1st Goal Race North Face Endurance Challenge Park City Utah Sept 26th-27th part of the Hatr-cation
2nd Goal Race Snowdrop Foundation 55 hour race 150 miles. I have done 107 both years in about 30 hours on one knee hobbling around so I want to give it all i have.
I am going to blog about this every monday after i weigh in. I am going to tell everyone my training, my diet and my thoughts as well. Even if I dont feel like it or I have a shit week i am going to use the blog to hold myself accountable for what is the truth..
As i write this I am encouraged, excited and elated to be back mentally. The physical part will come back slowly and with a ton of sacrifice on my part. But for me my mindset will always be the most important weapon that I have for defeating any task at hand.
I encourage anyone who is reading this to follow the blog and to challenge themselves to find the best version of themselves this year.
Since i started running ultras back in 2012 i have always had to do it on one knee. I am really excited to see what will happen when i get a chance to do it with 2.